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Drive Through

What if a fast-food franchise didn’t hide the processes it used to turn animals into food, would you still eat there?

“Um, we’re new in town and heard from a friend about the food here and wanted to know if we could get an order of your cuisine, to go.”

“We have heard about your beef burgers and their particularly excellent “fear factor” flavoring. Can you tell us more about it?”

“Do both of these come with the Dangling from the Hooves, Blood Sauce?”

“Is it true the animals are sent directly while still living into the meat grinder?”

“Do you still provide the milk cows for the children’s meals? The ones with the reduced lifespan who have never been exposed to fresh air?”

“Father, do they have anything besides beef?”

“I’m certain they do. Young lady, do you serve fish at Suffering Shack?”

“Dolphins? Doesn’t that taint the overall flavor of the fish?”

“Aren’t dolphins considered intelligent?”

“I am very hungry today, young lady, I would like to sampler your Whaler’s Surprise.”

“I was so looking forward to that. Do you have any other whales you can offer instead?”

“I want the best, it was killed by harpoon, the old fashioned way, yes?”

“Excellent, I will pay whatever it costs. We are sparing no expense for our anniversary. Two hundred years of happy marriage. Speaking of which, what would you like to order, my dear?”

“I am interested in trying the veal. I hear after plucking it from its mother’s womb, it is suspended never touching the ground to keep it tender. It has never been exposed to ultraviolet radiation from the sun, enhancing its disorientation. I understand from the literature, they are fed but the diet is designed to keep them supple and delectable. It’s rumored to not be the best for their development, rumored mostly to keep them alive but in a state of perpetual hunger. It sounds so exquisite.”

“I will have the Never Walked a Day. Don’t like that breading they use on the patties.”

“Will there be anything else, sir?”

“Yes, my older son and daughter have made their choices. My son is interested in hearing more about the “Candy of Meats” specials.”

“That seems as if it might cause a bit of flavoring, young lady but we are connoisseurs of suffering, this sounds as if it could only give nutrition to the smallest of my children.”

“That sounds much better, young lady, I want only the best for my children. What is this tiny disclaimer I see flashing beneath all of the Candy of Meat products?”

“Nothing to worry about, my dear, those pathogens are a flavor enhancer to us, so Junior can eat as much as he can carry. Give us one of every product on the Candy of Meat line, my son is a growing boy.”

“Do you have anything, that hasn’t suffered unduly?”

“Please forgive my daughter, she is a . She is trying to reduce the suffering of food in her diet. We hope it’s just a phase.”

“Oh Daddy, that sounds absolutely perfect. Can I have anything off of the Misery Free Label?”

“But Honey, how will you learn to be a terrible overlord of an entire world if you have a misery-free diet. Remember, you are what you eat?”

“Let the child be. If she wants to live misery-free, we should embrace her choices. Besides, we know you always planned to leave the planet to Junior anyway.”

“This is true. With so much suffering made illegal in the galactic empire, its getting so a tyrant can’t even torture his own food anymore. Young lady, do you have our order?”

“Do you accept gold?”

“Very good, young lady. Your service has been exemplary. You represent your company well. Do you enjoy the food served in your restaurant?”

“I notice you don’t serve chicken on your menu any longer. Can you tell me why?”

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Author | Editor | Futurist | Activist | |

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