Major Bites Back! Err, again.

The White House’s First and Second Dog (Champ), weigh in on the “aggressive incident” earlier today.

Thaddeus Howze
7 min readMar 10, 2021


I know what you heard. I know it sounds bad, especially if it’s made the news cycle. I am sure I will hear my name more in a day than I’ve had in my whole life. Let me assure you, there is more to the story than those people have been telling you.

What had happened was…

“I was invited to the White House. It’s the biggest house I have ever seen. It’s filled with people wandering about looking official. No one every says a kind word or throws a ball while I was there. Not once.

You know, there is a lot going on, from a dog’s perspective there. Let me give you the inside scoop because I know you Humans can’t perceive the Smelloverse the way dogs can.

The White House has a terrible smell profile.

This place smells old. Older than anything I have ever had the pleasure to roll in. A bone-deep age you can smell in any corner. But you have to dig for it. There are so many more recent odors on top of that.

This place smells of fear and loathing. They tried to mask it with their vile and evil scent-destroying soaps, but they can’t touch something this deep down. It’s woven into every fabric of the place. Been there for years.

There is a touch of evil (smells like onions when they go bad and turn into a slimy pile in your vegetable drawer) and maybe even a bit of madness. Must have been the old inhabitants. That guy is still here. He touched everything. I think there is even a section of the Oval Office he pissed on just to say he’d done it.

Everything here has the scent of age. The mix of musty old things in every room; these venerable items are covered in the scent of age, slathered in embedded suffering and the distain of whoever it is keeping up with the items’ tending.

They have desks older than Dad. I didn’t anything could be THAT old. Because everything is so old, I have to work to pull those scents in. Those are the best ones, though. The hard to scavenge odor is the most precious.